There is a moment most of us know well. Someone has hurt you — deeply, repeatedly, or both — and someone tells you to forgive them. And everything in you wants to say: you have no idea what they did.
Forgiveness is one of the most talked-about concepts in the Christian faith and one of the least understood. We know we are supposed to do it. We know Scripture commands it. But knowing and doing are two very different things — and the gap between them is where many of us quietly live.
So let's talk about it practically. Not with platitudes. With truth.
Forgiveness Is Not What You Think It Is
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." — Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
Let's clear something up first.
Forgiveness is not:
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Saying what happened was okay
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Pretending you were not hurt
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Reconciling with someone who has not changed
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Forgetting what was done to you
Forgiveness is:
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Releasing the debt someone owes you
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Choosing not to let their actions define your future
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A gift you give yourself, not them
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A process — not a one-time decision
Grace makes forgiveness possible. Not because the other person deserves it, but because you deserve to be free.
Why We Hold On
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Holding on to unforgiveness feels like power. If I forgive, does that mean they win? Does it mean I am weak? Does it mean what they did did not matter?
No. No. And no.
Unforgiveness is not a shield — it is a chain. And the only person it binds is you. Every time you replay the hurt, rehearse the argument, or revisit the wound, you are choosing to stay in a moment that is already over.
Grace says: you do not have to stay there.
Three Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
1. Name what happened — honestly. You cannot release what you have not acknowledged. Write it down if you need to. Say it out loud to God. Be specific. Vague forgiveness produces vague freedom.
2. Separate the person from the pain. The person who hurt you is not the pain itself. They are a flawed human being who made a choice — or many choices — that wounded you. When you can begin to see them as separate from the wound, forgiveness becomes possible.
3. Make forgiveness a daily practice. You may need to choose forgiveness more than once. That is not failure — that is faithfulness. Every time the memory surfaces, choose again. Over time, the grip loosens.
A Free Resource for Your Journey
If this resonates with you, I created something just for you.
Grace Found Me is a free devotional resource designed to walk you through the early steps of releasing what you have been carrying.
🦋 [Download Grace Found Me — Free →]
Ready to Go Deeper?
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Freedom is not found in holding on. It is found in letting go — and grace makes the letting go possible.
With love,
Malissa Shanece McIntosh P-Cube Inspirations | Abaco, The Bahamas
